passionate chicken
the story...
Originally uploaded by nathansean.
it seems that as of late i have been trying to generate passion. trying to find that fire in me to be motivated, to be energetic, to be... well, me.
the only problem with generating passion is that it lacks that wrecklessness that is the true essence of passion.
when you try to create passion, it is always colored a bit with envy, because your eyes are always comparing it to others. it whispers a bit of fraud because... well... it is fraud.
real passion can not be built up or manufactured. i do believe it can be transfered, caught, shared... but that must happen between two people, two thoughts, two entities... not from within.
for too long now i have been trying to generate passion. i hate it when i do this.
wednesday i spend the day reading. (more like re-reading) and in my time alone i felt a flicker of passion. a spark. it came as i began to read a few chapters form "the story we find ourselves in". this is a book that has changed a lot of things for me. i usually tell people that it, for the lack of a better statement, "made God bigger."
i think in the past few weeks i have tried to make God managable, make Him tame. but He is not.
i have been approaching Him like a surfer would a great swell... with respect and anticipation, but with a desire to ride it to shore... to saftey. i need to appraoch God like a feather in the wind.
yeah... i know a feather doesn't approach the wind. the wind takes it where it needs to go. the feather has no expectation, no "desire" it is ALL about the wind.
i'm getting there... i hope.
maybe i am like a feather in the wind... but my feather seems to still be attached to a very large and smelly chicken.
think about it...
posted by nathan sean @ Friday, November 11, 2005
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