prophet dave?
i see so many students and adults searching for meaning in things that leave them empty. but not you typical "empty", as in void. a deeper empty that creates a greater desire or even a greater need to find that empty space filled.
and so we chase after something else to fill the space. and it leaves us empty. so we search again. empty. and search. empty. on and on.
i see it in students who seek out sex. they seek out drugs and alcohol. the seek to hide from expectations. you fill in the blank.
adults are the same. we mask our search a little better. we still seek to fill the void with sex and drugs and the likes but we add to it. we seek it out in status... in money... in power... in family...
i struggle the same way.
when i listen to the song "grey street" by the dave matthews band i sometimes will cry. to me, this song captures the hopeless journey so many people are on to "fill the void".
i know we all are on the same journey. but i know that a journey without a relationship with Jesus is hopeless. without Jesus, the search relies on us. Jesus doesn't promise a rosy road. but He does promise His presence.
with His presence at my side in this journey of discovery... that is Hope.
here's the dmb song...
"Oh look at how she listens
She says nothing of what she thinks
She just goes stumbling through her memories
Staring out on to Grey Street
She thinks, "Hey,
How did I come to this?
I dream myself a thousand times around the world,
But I can't get out of this place"
There's an emptiness inside her
And she'd do anything to fill it in
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
How she wishes it was different
She prays to God most every night
And though she swears it doesn't listen
There's still a hope in her it might
She says, "I pray
But they fall on deaf ears,
Am I supposed to take it on myself?
To get out of this place"
There's a loneliness inside her
And she'd do anything to fill it in
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
When all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
There's a stranger speaks outside her door
Says take what you can from your dreams
Make them as real as anything
It'd take the work out of the courage
But she says, "Please
There's a crazy man that's creeping outside my door,
I live on the corner of Grey Street and the end of the world"
There's an emptiness inside her
And she'd do anything to fill it in
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
It's more like cold blue ice in her heart
She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
It breaks her heart
To grey"
lotto answers
why do i do what i do?
this question is haunting me.
i try to answer it. actually i answer it differntly every day. the answers bounce around my head like those white lottery balls right before they get sucked up that magical tube on channel three. i am just like those who tune in to this rivetting life-changing show. they sit with anticipation on the edge of their old hand-me down sofa, crisp lotto tickets in hand, eyes glued to the set, and most likely a bag of cheetos close by.
they wait for the right combination of numbers.
i wait for the right combination of answers.
wrong number combo.
wrong answer combo.
they'll buy another ticket.
i'll ask the question again.
why do i do what i do?and yes... i do sit on a hand me down sofa, but i don't eat cheetos. (too many carbs)
an offering
i read this this morning and it hits me everytime i read it.
especially since i am rapidly moving towards a season of busy, busy, busy. my days will be filled with creating, teaching, encouraging, and doing. much of it revolving around me, focusing in things that are my deal.
this passage is always a reminder that it is not about me!
what we do should be done on a different, more meaningful plane. we need to move away from the plane of self and truly view our actions, our creations, our doings, and our thoughts as things greater than they appear and place them on the plane of worship. then... we, along with all of the "stuff" we do, become God's.
"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him." romans 12 v 1-3
questioned friendships?
why is it that relationships are so difficult sometimes?
why is there competition between relationships? (if i'm with this person then that person will be upset with me)
why do we feel "left out" if we are not sharing the same experiences as our friends?
do you have a friend you can trust to stand up for you when you are not around?
why is it that there are times when all the relationships in the world still leave you feeling alone?
why is it that people who are in a relationship give of themselves differently? (one will be completly vunerable, the other only goes part way.)
why is it that people feel used in relationships? is this really possible?
how do you keep a relationship close?
why is it that some of the people who are the furthest away from me are the closest and some who are the closest are the furthest?
can you love someone if you have an agenda?
even if that agenda is "to build a friendship"?
is "building a friendship" a motive that prevents love from being the center of your relationship?
i have got great friends whom i deeply love. yet, it seems the deeper the love the deeper the pain that goes along with it. i suppose that is just part of the deal. when you give of yourself wholely, you allow your whole self to feel the pain.
and that can hurt.
WRT the WWW
i have been reading a heap of blogs lately. mostly high school students, some students i know, many i don't. i read them to keep up, keep in tune, etc. etc. but they mostly break my heart. i don't know why... much of what they write is the same stuff i dealt with in high school. maybe it is just that i know the pain behind all the acting cool. i know the real struggle for acceptance and love they are wrestling with. i know abouty seeking out those things in draw them only deeper into a void that can not be filled by "man".
i remember too well.
i think the ones that cause the most heartache are the ones of students i know. past and present.
i suppose i could not read them, save myself the angst. but somehow i think it is good for me. the heaviness in my heart is something that i need from time to time. i need the pain. i need the emptiness. i know that sounds morbid...
but i makes me feel alive.
it reminds me of the restoration and redemption that i found in Jesus.
anyway... that little rant was not the intention of my blog. in this little blog journey i've been on lately i have seen more smileys and shorthand that i don't get. so i did a little search for a legend of all the sqwigglies and dwiggles and dots. i know it is a big list, but still, if you know of more let me know of some. :)
:-) - Humor
:-) (-: - Masking theatrical comments
:-T - Keeping a straight face (tight-lipped)
:-D - Said with a smile
:-> - Alternate happy face
:-) :-) :-) - Loud guffaw
:*) - Clowning around
:-? - Licking lips
%-} - Silly
:/) - Not funny
:-" - Pursing lips
:-r - Bleahhh (sticking tongue out)
:-f - Smirks
:-| - Disgusted
:-J - Tongue-in-cheek comments
:-! - Foot in mouth
:-$ - Put your money where your mouth is
:-D - Talks too much
:-I - Chewing on bone
%&$%& - You know what that means...
:-P - Shouting
:-y - Shouting
:-o - Shouting
:-( - Unhappy
:-c - Real unhappy
(:-& - Anger
(:^( - Broken nose
(:<) - Blabber mouth
?-( - Black eye
%-) - Broken glasses
:-b - Tongue stuck out
:-p - Left-handed tongue stuck out
>--->---(@ - A rose
||*( - Handshake offered
||*) - Handshake accepted
:-x - Kiss kiss
o= - A burning candle to start a flame
~= - Flaming message
-= - A doused candle to end a flame
|-<> - Kissy face
[] - Hug
(-_-) - Secret smile
'-) - Wink
;-) - Say no more; nudge, nudge
:-* - Oops! (Covering mouth with hand)
:-# - Censored
:-8 - Talking out both sides of your mouth
>:> - Leer
:-X - Not saying a word
(:-... - Heart-breaking message...
:-o - "Oh, noooooo!" (a la Mr. Bill)
#:-o - Same as previous
...---... - S.O.S.
:-< - Forlorn
|-( - Late night messages
(:-$ - Ill
(:-( - Sad
%- - Hung over
:~/ - All mixed up
#-) - Another all-night partier
:-'| - With a cold
%+{ - Loser in a fight
( ) - You're kidding!
<:-O - Eeek!
:-C - Unbelieving (jaw dropped)
:-(*) - About to vomit
E-mail Shorthand
AAMOF - As A Matter Of Fact
AFAIK - As Far As I Know
AFK - Away From Keyboard
BAK - Back At Keyboard
BBL - Be Back Later
BRB - Be Right Back
BTW - By the way
C4N - Ciao For Now
CRS - Can't Remember "Stuff"
CU - See You
CUL(8R) - See You Later
CWOT - Complete Waste Of Time
CYA - See Ya
DIY - Do It Yourself
EOD - End Of Discussion
EZ - Easy
F2F - Face To Face
FOAF - Friend Of A Friend
FOCL - Falling Off Chair Laughing
FWIW - For What It's Worth
GAL - Get A Life
GFETE - Grinning From Ear To Ear
GMTA - Great minds think alike
GR&D - Grinning, Running & Ducking
GTG - Got To Go
IMO - In My Opinion
IYKWIM - If You Know What I Mean
JIC - Just In Case
J/K - Just kidding
KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid
L8TR - Later
LD - Later dude
LOL - Laughing Out Loud
LTNS - Long Time No See
MorF - Male or Female, or person who asks that question
OTOH - On The Other Hand
OTTOMH - Off the top of my head
OIC - Oh I See
OTF - On The Floor
OLL - Online Love
PLS - Please
PU - That Stinks!
ROFL - Rolling On Floor Laughing
ROTF - Rolling On The Floor
RTFM - Read The Frickin' Manual
RUOK - Are You OK?
SOL - Smiling Out Loud (or Sh*t Out of Luck)
TAFN - That's All For Now
TEOTWAWKI - The End Of The World As We Know It
THX - Thanks
TLK2UL8R - Talk to you later
TSWC - Tell Someone Who Cares
TTFN - Ta-Ta For Now
TTYL(8R) - Talk To You Later
Txs - Thanks
w/b - Welcome Back
w/o - Without
WRT - With Regard To
WTG - Way To Go
WU? - What's Up?
WWW - World Wide Web
ZZZ - Sleeping
n8 -nate
ripped from the pages
below are a few excerpts from a book i've been reading lately. i've read and re-read them several times in the last month and they resonate with my soul in a tremendous way... so i thought i'd share them. (the emphasis added is mine.)
"everyone more or less believes in God. but most of us do our best to keep God in the margins of our lives or, failing that, refashion God to suit our convience. (we must) insist that God is the sovereign center, not off in the wings awaiting our beck and call."
"for the ways of the world- it's assumtions, its values, its methods of going about its work- are never on the side of God."
"the God of whom the bible speaks of is far too large to fit into our lives. if we want anything to do with God, we have to fit into Him."
"we humans have an enourmous capacity for denial and self-deceit. we incapacitate ourselves from dealing with the consequences of sin, for facing judgement, for embracing truth."
"one of the bad habits we pick up on early in our lives is seperating things and people into secular and sacred. we assume that the secular is what we are more or less in charge of: our jobs, our time, our entertainment, our government, our social relations. the sacred is what God has charge of: worship and the Bible, heaven and hell, church and prayers. we then contrive to set aside a sacred place for God, designed, we say, to honor God but really indeed to keep God in His place. leaving us free to have the final say about everything else that goes on.
we must have none of this! we must contend that everything, absolutely everything, takes place on sacred ground. God has something to say about every aspect of our lives: the way we feel and act in the so-called privacy of our heart and homes, the way we make our money and the way we spend it, the politics we embrace, the wars we fight, the catastrophes we endure, the people we hurt and the people we help. nothing is hidden from the scrutiny of God, nothing is excempt from the rule of God, nothing escapes the purposes of God. holy, holy, holy.""
that last one hits me especially hard. you?
empty words
"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting,
God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying
in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans." romans 8 v 26
living it...
oh to have vision
i had a pretty good weekend. i needed to just rest and for the most part i did. the kids went to stay with nanna and umpa, so jenn and i got to hang loose.
we didn't really do anything monumental, except, like i mentioned, rest. and i suppose for me that can be monumental.
we did discuss our future off and on all weekend. the future of cession, the future of moto, the future of surf city, the future of watermark, the future of our family, etc. etc.
andy stanley wrote, and i paraphrase, "everybody in life ends up somewhere, some people just end up there on purpose." i want to end up "there" on purpose.
for the most part, i know what i want to be about in life. i know my gifts, my talents, the things i do well, the things i don't. i know what i want the result of my life to be, ya know the legacy type stuff, the "how do you want to be remembered?" thing. but i often struggle with the reality of it all. i mean how does what i'm doing now help me get to "there". i really don't know if i'll ever know what that looks like. i don't know if you can put it into a job description or a mission statement or a strategy. i don't know if what i'm doing now helps me be what God wants for me or if i'm creating a man made world of personal achievement. it is a constant struggle between my desire for self "achievement" and my desire to be a "good and faithful" servant.
sometimes i love that struggle. it drives me to want more God. to dream big dreams. to cast my rationale aside in the pursuit of His Kingdom. other times i find it paralyzing. i am so overwhelmed by the opportunity and responsibility that is right before me, that i freeze. literally and figuratively. literally...i can't write thoughts, lead meetings, contribute to conversations, read books. figuratively...i feel insignificant, not worth following, or talking with or listening to. i feel like the open internet connection of communication with my Creator is rebuffering and i'm waiting and waiting because i still have dial up.
right now i'm in between those two places. kinda frozen, kinda free.
i guess the tension i feel is that the future, my future, is barrelling at me full throttle and i've got choices to make.
choices that determine if i end up "there" on purpose.
refuge and worship
this week has brought a heap of emotions my way... and all of them by wednesday.
excitement.
stress.
sadness.
joy.
anger.
frustration.
(boy, that looks like the list in galations doesn't it?)
but God is aware of my needs, often more than i am... and he has brought me the football season.
i started coaching with dakota's team on teusday. i love it. i get to encourage kids. help them find things they do well. celebrate their little victories. challenge them to go further. to laugh with them. to cheer with them. and all of it is so far from the rest of my day. i love it!! throw my son into the mix, and it makes it all the more fulfilling.
on the field, i find refuge. i find God.
God knows so well what i need. i need Him. and it isn't so much that i forget that i need him, but it can be that my environments get so hectic that i forget that He is there. that in all that i do, He is right next to me... waiting for me to notice Him, and thank Him for the moments we share.
i don't know what to expect this fall. but, as always, the pace of life will pick up... get hectic. but, like i said earlier, i have been resourced with football as a refuge.
i will not only coach dakota's team,(the tri-cities pee-wee mariners) but continue to coach the middle school team (lakeshore buccaneers).
God is leading me to this. i know it adds to my schedule, but is such a great time of worship and their is this mysterious "filling of my soul" that takes place. and i need that so much. especially when i'm busy or feeling kicked or run down or feel like giving up. and God is leading me to this... twice a day.
what does that say about my future?
resourced blessing
so i've been learning, praying, reading, etc. about blessing lately. not the ritualistic prayer before a meal, but the true and pure blessing that comes from our Creator. in the conversation series we've been discussing at watermark, i've come to the bottom line conclusion that God's blessing is relationship. we make it more, but when we see the whole story we are in, (a self written story of sin and chaos and selfish motives that go against God's story of harmony and redemption) it really doesn't get any greater than this.
so what do we do with all the stuff we've labeled as God's "blessing"? our gift? our homes? our health? our money? our talent?
when we realize (and we've discussed this in our gathering) that the true blessing is a relationship, we will also see that the "blessing relationship" is not one that is exclusive, but rather instramental. instramental in blessing others.
so, all those things we've called "God's blessing" before, we must begin to see them as resources. resources to bless others.
which has gotten me asking a whole new set of questions?
why hasn't God resourced me with ____________________? fill in the blank. i can fill the blank in with a list as long as my arm. then it hit me... when i filled the blank in with "money", God's revelation hit me.
i would do a poor job at using money as a resource. i do a poor job now with what i have. i don't think this is an area in which i need to grow in generousity or even that i hold on to money to tight, i'm always willing to share the money that i have. but, i do not steward well in the area of money. i spend it on things that don't matter. i end up putting off something that is of high need because we are out of cash.
as i began to see this, i realized that all the things i wanted to be "resourced with", all the things i would fill in the blank, where things i would not steward well. and as a look deeper, they were all things that would potientally lead me to write my own story.
intellect... i'd use the knowledge to "put people in thier place".
bigger house... i'd keep the door locked.
a dog... i'd kick it when it craps on the floor.
ok so maybe those aren't great examples, but i think you get my point.
to the opposite though i find joy. the things i do steward well, which i won't list because you may disagree and then i would have hurt feelings, i am resourced greatly with.
it is interesting to me how God works. He is always trying to "set us up for success". and to Him the greatest success, His blessing.
His Relationship.God's Blessing apon you,
n8
crock pottin' it
God has been revealing a lot to me lately.
about blessing...
about relationship(s)...
about leading teams...
about being a parent...
about being a husband...
about theology...
the problem is that i don't know what to do with all of it. i tend to be more of a "crock pot" when it comes to things like this, yet i also am one who really filters things out through conversation. i guess i just don't know what i want/need to talk about.
in situations like this, i often feel the need to retreat. but...things are on the "pick up" right now and "retreat" is no where on the horizon. so i'll keep plugging away.
on the bright side though i suppose i do have some blog topics to sift through. we'll tackle them over the next few entries.
anywhoo...
n8
